Moanhood or Motherhood?

FULL CREDIT FOR "Moanhood Or Motherhood?' is given to Serene Allison. This article was found here at Above Rubies.  I have copied here because I know MANY will say things like "oh they don't believe what we believe, so all their teachings are false" or "these ladies are too old fashioned to listen to, they don't know anything about modern life." I beg to differ, but this article is 100% for all mothers I know, including me.

Moanhood Or Motherhood?

“Who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31:10

I am often drawn to this text as I pray for God to mold me into the woman He desires me to be, no matter how much against the stream of normalcy it seems.

My Interlinear Bible, which is translated directly from the Hebrew, inspires me when I read, “Who can find an able woman? For her value is far above jewels.” The word “able” hit me with a giant thud. I wasn’t as pricked by the word “virtuous” as virtues seem to abound in the feminine sex! I’m only being slightly sarcastic! But “able”! “Able”?

As mothers and wives we often spend wasted brain space mulling over just the opposite. Do these words sound familiar? “I can’t do it anymore!” “I don’t have the energy!” “I’m drained! I have nothing more to give.” “I’m too tired! I’m completely exhausted and wasted. I can’t do one more thing!” We talk ourselves out of any last vestige of energy, and by the power of our minds we feel even more tired than we really are!

“Honey, not tonight! Actually I’ve got a headache. No, it’s a migraine.” “Oh, I just need some time for myself.” “I feel so used. Nobody appreciates what I do around here.” “I’ve got to get out. I’ve got cabin fever.” “I didn’t get a good sleep last night. Come to think of it, I never get a good sleep. It’s all making me old before my time. I found a new wrinkle this morning.”

Ugh! This is putting me in the doldrums just writing about it!

How can our husband value us more than jewels when our lives are one big complaint?

It is true that we talk ourselves into more than half of our problems. How can we be “able” women and how can our husbands and children truly value us above jewels when our lives are one big complaint? I think the key to being “able” is more about being positive than it is about all the talent and intellect we can possess. There are many gifted people who never accomplish half of what the mere motivated and persevering achieve.

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How can we be positive mothers when we have made a career of being professional moaners?

Have we embraced moanhood instead of motherhood? Just as negativity is a habit, so is a positive and happy heart. The more we think on the good things, the more they become naturally part of our nature. The negative muscles become floppy, weak and slowly deteriorate when we don’t use them. Philippians 4:8 tells us to think on things that are pure and lovely. If we make a habit of thinking about the lovely things, in turn, our lives will be a lot lovelier.

We can become negative by worrying about the future. We may dwell today on all the work we have to do tomorrow or even in the months to come. Again, the wisdom of the Bible frees our minds and makes for a happy mother when it says, “Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34)

God is very interested in our thought-life and in the confessions of our lips. Here are just a few quotes:

“A merry heart does good like medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22)
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21)
“Gird up the loins of your mind.” (1 Peter 1:13)

A positive attitude breathes life into our soul and body and actually gives us energy.

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A positive attitude breathes life into our souls and bodies and actually gives us energy. Satan is all to eager to plant seeds of negativity into our minds because he knows they are seeds of death and make us unable. Negativity is based upon fear, which chokes the very life out of its victims and renders them practically immobile. Negativity holds us captive in a prison of gloom. Being positive frees us to succeed and thrive. Some people see their negative outlook as being realistic. This is another trap of the enemy; a smoke screen to blind us to the truth that will set us free to really live and enjoy life.

There are always two ways to look at things. I exercise everyday as part of my job description as a fit, healthy and happy wife and mother. Many times while on the treadmill in my kitchen I start thinking, “I feel awful. My legs are burning. I can hardly breath. I feel like pulling the plug.” With every second I grow more tired and soon feel completely drained. The fact is everything I’m feeling is truth. However, when I “gird up my mind” I remember how good I’ll feel afterwards and that 30 minutes isn’t that long. “I’ve only got 15 more minutes to go. I’m breathing really well now, and hey, this is easy. I feel great. I’ll race anyone. I’m going to pick up my pace. Wow, look at me go!” There is as much truth in this second thought process and I injected myself with a bunch of energy and ended up with a full tank.

You may get up in the morning, sigh and drag yourself to the coffee pot confessing, “I was up with the baby for four solid hours last night. I can’t make it through today.” This may be true, but the other side of the story is that you had four good hours of sleep. We can feel just as good as we can feel bad.

Thinking negatively involves the “me” word. It makes one too introspective. My mother always says, “If you are feeling depressed, go and do something for someone else. You’ll soon forget about your own problems.”

The negative “so called” facts are not truth at all. They are the enemy’s poisonous darts. To contemplate them digs their venom deeper into your mind. The truth is: we are new creatures in Christ. We are to crucify the “flesh man” and live by the Spirit. The fruit of the Holy Spirit such as patience and longsuffering are now our new character traits. In Christ we can bear way more than the level the devil deceives us into thinking we can handle.

The second line of Proverbs 31:10 reads, “The heart of her husband trusts in her so that he has no lack of gain.” The New Living Translation reads, “She will greatly enrich his life.” How can we enrich our husbands when our own lives are anything but enriched? We can’t give from a drained pot. Often we feel empty and exhausted, not because of our tedious workload so much as the state of our mental reflections.

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How can a husband feel enriched if his wife is not contended and happy?

How can a husband have “no need of gain” if his wife isn’t happy and contented? If we greet him at the door with a tired expression, a list of complaints, and quickly pass off all the children to him, his welcome home will not be very enriching. It may make him want to retreat! Home should be a solace from the worry and stress with which the world assails him. It should be a place of enriching, a gas station to fill his tank before venturing back into his world of business and stress. Our homes should be an oasis where our husband can take a cool drink of the water of peace, love and laughter. We should meet him at the door with a bright smile, a warm welcome, and with a cheery atmosphere pervading the home.

If he asks how our day was, and we remember how Suzie cut off her little sister’s hair, how Johnny peed on the clean folded clothes, or how the baby spread the surprise in his diaper like peanut butter around the crib, we might feel compelled to say it was a “bad day”. But wait a second! Let’s get out of our negative tunnel vision and see the big picture. There were no major accidents. We are all still alive and breathing. Suzie did really well at her reading lesson and Johnny picked some weeds from the garden and said I was a “beaubibul laby.” It was a lovely day. Come to think of it, it was a great day!

When the atmosphere of our home is filled with optimism, our husband and children will feel they can do anything.

The Proverbs 31 woman “opens her mouth with wisdom and the law of kindness is on her tongue.” As hormonal creatures, we women can sometimes become so emotionally pent up that when our husbands come home we vomit our feelings all over them before they have a chance to take off their coats. We were made to be our husbands’ helpmeets. We were made to complete them and enrich their lives. God did not create man to be the woman’s emotional counselor or hormonal dartboard. The more we press into God and become positive-thinking women, the less we will be inclined to emotionally regurgitate. Spurting out a bunch of negative goo gah is not opening our mouths in wisdom. Nor is it kind. It is like serving our husbands a glass of gravel instead of giving them a refreshing drink of happiness.

Men are not emotional sorts and just don’t get the problem. My friend told me how she told her husband that she was feeling “out of sorts.” He replied, “Don’t feel out of sorts.” This reply was the right answer but not the one she wanted to hear. Men are wired differently so when our skies look gray we need to go to God first and then maybe call a close girlfriend who will lend a listening ear.

Proverbs 31 continues with its description of the able woman. “She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms… she extends her hand to the poor. Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy…strength and dignity are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come… she watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

A hardworking woman doesn’t have time to waste in negative contemplation. She has more important things pressing on her mind. If we are truly busy we won’t have time to stop and moan. I can’t picture Mother Theresa complaining about how tired she was or turning away another child.

I love the way the curtains draw on the “able” woman. “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” The Hebrew word for “praises” is “halal”. It means “to shine, to make a show, to boast, to rave, to glorify, to make renown. The root of this word has the idea of radiance.” Are we worthy of such acclamation?

Let us take on a spirit of rejoicing and do away with negative gloom. We will then be free to be ‘able’ women whose value is above jewels.

SERENE ALLISON
Primm Springs, Tennessee, USA

MOM Creed

~Parody of The Army NCO Creed! I know all my mom friends will LOVE this one, especially my fellow Army wives.~ Originally written February 13, 2010


MOM Creed-~By Bridgette Spurlock

May no one be more loving than I. I am a mother, a guidance to my children. As a mother, I realize that I am the member of the family, which is known as "The Heart of the Family". I am proud of to be a mother and will at all times conduct myself so as to bring credit upon God, my husband and my children regardless of the situation in which I find myself. I will not use or neglect my family to attain personal pleasure.

Optimism and Endurance are my watchwords. My two main responsibilities will always be uppermost in my mind -- health & well being of my family and the state of my home. I will strive to remain loving and patient. I am aware of my role as a mother. I will fulfill all my responsibilities inherented in this role. All children are entitled to understanding and guidance; I will provide these. I know my children and I will always place their needs above my own. I will communicate consistently with my family and never leave them uninformed. I always will be fair and impartial when considering both rewards and punishment.

My husband will have maximum time to accomplish his duties; he will not have to accomplish mine. I will earn his respect and confidence as well as that of my children. I will be faithful to those within my family. I will exercise initiative by taking appropriate action in my daily activities. I will not compromise my integrity, nor my moral obligations. I will not forget, nor will I allow my children to forget that I am their mother, momma, MOM!

~By Bridgette Spurlock

Just a thought... Can we cause our own depression?

• Depression affects twice as many women as men.
• 1/7 of women will suffer depression in their lifetime (www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/numbers.cfm)
• 73% of all psychiatric medications, including antidepressants, are prescribed to females (American Psychological Association)
• 43 million women take antidepressant medications (Zestra Web site)

I'm not saying depression isn't a valid medical condition due to hormone changes, like post-partum depression, or even seasonal depression and life changes like "cabin fever" or "empty nest." 

But could some depressions be brought about by people being covetous, self-pity, going into debt to buy what they can't afford, or being out of God's will?

How often do we desire things we can't afford and put it on credit just to be a slave to debt? I know most of us have done this, but we should learn from our mistakes.

How often do we see the things that others have and not realize how hard they had to work to get it? It used to be that newly weds had very little furniture. How many now start out in debt just to have the look?

How many women sit around and have pity parties about different things? Not have a fancy car? not having designer "stuff"? being an "oppressed slave to husband and children" stay at home mom (which they aren't)?

How many women are leading the family (single: divorced, never married does not apply)? What happens spiritually and mentally to the husband and wife when the woman is out of her God given role?  I know some women have to work to help provide food, clothing, shelter, but as long as the man is leading the family then she's not out of her God given role.  (I will say that if a woman is working to have all the "extras" internet, tv, fancy cars and putting her children in childcare then she is wrong. Dr. Laura Schesslinger refers to this as abandoning children.)

This is just a thought... if we do these things, can WE be the CAUSE of our own depression? (note: this does not include horomonal changes and seasonal/life changing events)

Focus On The Family Superbowl Ad

CBS turned down a gay dating site ad...BUT gave Focus on the Family a PRO-LIFE ad! YES!!!! Tell CBS THANK YOU...WE DON'T WANT TO SEE GAYS AND LESBIANS...GO PRO-FAMILY!

Everyone please contact CBS and promote the ad, thank them for it, give lots of positive feedback. Onemillionmoms and Onemilliondads have been able to SHUT DOWN offensive/anti-family ads. Now what if we reverse the act and promote the ads, lets get more family ads on the air by requesting them!!!

http://www.cbs.com/info/user_services/fb_global_form.php

Choose drop down menu of CBS Special.

Or Write:
CBS Headquarters
51 W. 52nd Street
New York, NY 10019-6188

Or Email:
CBS Audience Services at audsvcs@cbs.com
Tell CBS it was a great ad! Tell CBS to give more ads like this! CBS earns money by it's advertisers...tell them what you want and you will get it!

After you do it comment on here that you did! Let's see how many we can get.

Baby Food: Bananas

All of my children loved banana baby food when they were beginning solids. However, freezing pureed bananas can be a trick. Usually they turn brown or slimy, however, this doesn't mean it's gone bad.  You just need to add an acid and a little water.

Banana Baby Food:
Bananas
Lemon Juice or Orange Juice or "Fresh Fruit" by Ball used for canning
Water

Add bananas to food processer with 1-2 TSP citric juice or fresh fruit.  (I use both).  Turn on, add water until the desired consistancey is achieved. The younger the baby, the thinner you want your bananas. If you get it too thin, it's ok.  Just add baby cereal to it when preparing the baby's food.

To freeze, use either the ice tray method or jar method:

To Freeze:

 

Cube Method:

1. Place pureed bananas from processor into ice cube trays and freeze.
2. Once frozen place in freezer bag and place bag in freezer.
3. Defrost the needed amount of cubes as necessary.

 

Jar Method:

1. Place in pureed bananas in Freezer jars, using a wide mouth funnel helps prevent spills. (use jars especially made for the freezer such as Ball/Kerr Blue Label canning jars). 
2. Leave HEAD SPACE of about 1-1/2 inches.
3. Place in freezer. Defrost 1 jar as needed. (To defrost jars move from freezer to refrigerator overnight.)

 (1 jar usually last 1 week for my son because i mix his food with oatmeal or barley)

Motherhood is NOT "Identity Loss", It's Identity CHANGE AND GAIN!

To Misty on Mamapedia:

"........For weeks I’ve been milk maker, soother, diaper changer and occasionally ‘lady who showers and smells nice’… I stress “occasionally” here.


I was already a mother when this one came along. So prior to a few weeks ago, part of my consumer friendly label read: lunch maker, wound kisser, soother, protector, clothes washer, and occasionally ‘lady who brings cupcakes to my class’. But as my new role emerges, all other things become cloudy and less integrated and I begin to wonder which of them still constitute ‘shades of Me’.


The thing about this that sucks so much is that it is a very lonely place. This happens to you and only you, while the people around you go about their usual lives without question as to how and if anything has changed for them. While I’m concreted to the couch or the rocking chair for 45 minutes at a time to feed a new baby, everyone else in my world cruises by. Off to play or live or reconnect with old friends or simply enjoy the Independence that comes with not being affected by a life altering event.


So I try to remember who and what the ingredients are for a well made ‘Me’. I scan the pages of things I’ve done, stuff I’ve written and people I’ve loved. Somewhere, is the combination of things that light the center of me. Somewhere is a complete list of nutritional value, warnings and tips for best consumption."  Quoted from: Does Motherhood Equal Identity Loss?  http://www.mamapedia.com/voices/does-motherhood-equal-identity-loss

OK here I'm going to really make someone mad! Here are the 3 words that every woman needs to hear often: GET OVER IT or some say GET OVER YOURSELF!  In this I only hear the whining and complain that most women do 90% of the time. (I do it too)

Have I ever been there where I feel like I'm just a milk nurse, maid, and other not-so-glamorous things? YES I HAVE. We all have those moments BUT it is in those moments that our true identity, intergrity, esteem, and honor show forth.  It is our reactions that define us.

In June/July 2009, I was in the middle of my own personal pity-party. I had two children at home 23 months part (ages 3 and 17 months) and I was pregnant AGAIN (about 7-8 months along). I had been bitter about this pregnancy but knowing Abortion is a SIN (just because the gov't and women's lib says it's a "right" doesn't make it right), I wouldn't abort. I had pure hell with all three pregnancies...hospitalizations for dehydration, extreme hyper-emesis that shocked doctors, more IV's than you can imagine, to prevent my vains from blowing they put a "Pic-Line" in my harm and had me on IV fluid at home with a home health nurse coming to assist once a week. While in the hospital, I would blow vains and have to have new IV's inserted in my arms or hands every few hours.  This happened with all 3 children, except the pic-line was only with the last child.

I took my bitterness out on my family, then "put on face" in front of everyone else. It was in June or July, that while I was trying to get MY well deserved sleep, that my oldest kept coming to me wanting me to hold him at 0200 and saying his belly hurt. I kept putting him back into bed. Finally, I gave up and made a pallete in the floor near me, just so he could be near me and I could get MY sleep. As I watched him doze off, I closed my eyes and I heard him start to cry in his sleep. "Dear God WHAT NOW?" I prayed allowed. Then I looked at my son, his legs were curling up to his belly and he was grabbing his stomach. "Oh God! Help!" I cried quietly as I tried to assess him. Being the daughter of an RN, I knew enough medical info to be 'Dr. Mom'. As I checked him over, he showed all signs of appendicitis.

My need for sleep suddenly vanished! I quickly told my husband that I needed to take our son to the ER. He decided to stay home with our daughter who was sleeping and I would take our son. During the course of hours at the ER and ultrasounds, visit it was decided it was appendicitis. The military hospital we were at did not have a pediatric surgeon so we had to go by ambulance to the nearest hospital that could do the surgery. I tried to call my husband, his phone was on silent I tried for almost an hour to reach him. Finally I had to call a friend to go over and knock on the door to wake him and drive him down, since I had our only vehicle. When my husband arrived I was in tears and we started praying for a miracle.  I went in the ambulance with our son to the hospital while my husband and daughter followed in my van.

We got to the hospital and they decided to do a reassesment and CT-SCAN before the surgery. We were all praying and asking for a miracle. I remember one of my prayers in the ambulance "Ok God if you were trying to get my attention and humble me it has worked. Please don't let my baby go into a surgery that could harm him more." (My son has a lot of allergies, I was afraid of what could happen in the surgery room.)

During the time at the other hospital, God healed him. He started talking more, smiling, fever left, and the pain subsided. (Call it what you want but I give God the credit). The CT-SCAN showed no signs of anything wrong. My son was safe to come home.

That day I realized I HAD BEEN THE ONE WHO WAS CHILDISH. I kept focusing on me-me-me. I was pregnant and didn't want to be at time. (I'm so glad I had my baby now). It was all about how I felt and my needs, not my families needs. My husband had been faithly quiet and attentive to me like feminist say he should be...he performed like they wanted him to. Sometimes I wished he would have recorded one of my rants to give me a reality check!

Now I still have my "It's all about me moments" I think that is human nature.  But I realize that when it's all about me, it could take a life or damage someone else worse. What if I had just baby gated my son and ignored him? He appendix could have burst or he could have been worse or he could have died.

As for my feelings of just milk nurse, diaper changer, cook, maid: well IT'S ALL IMPORTANT. Every nose I wipe, every diaper I change, every boo-boo I kiss, every meal I cook, it ALL matters!

Each action is like the images below: 

 Each one seems like nothing, but they are each a cropped segment of the pictures below. Without each piece the following images would be incomplete:

Lilly Pond-Money, Sistine Chapel 3 images, and The Stroll-Monet.  All of these are beautiful images worth fortunes, but if you take part of the painting away it's worthless. Just a damaged piece of nothing.

It is the same with our children...each piece, each brush stroke-so to speak...is an investment in them.  The Bible tells us to die to ourself. In other words, don't focus on yourself all the time. Yes you must take care of yourself, but life shouldn't be all about you. If you are showering/bathing at mid-night, so what! Instead of thinking "oh poor me" think "oh yes, time in the still of the night". CHANGE YOUR THINKING. When you change your thinking habits you will be happier.

Sure it gets lonely at times, but when you are lonely. Encourage yourself some how. Call up a friend, husband or you mom and say "I've feeling down. I could use some encouragement. Do I really matter? Does all these diapers, dishes, snotty noses mean anytihng?" Get someone who will tell you the truth, not a friend who tells you what you want to hear. Keep books around your house that ENCOURAGES mothering...NOT FEMINISM. Get the magazines out of your house that tell you "You can have it all" because while you are getting it all, your husband and children are getting leftovers.

You call it Identity Loss... I call motherhood "A HUMBLING OF SELF AND A CHANGE IN IDENTITY"  Until you have a child (by birth or adoption) YOU ARE NOT A MOTHER! You cannot be IDENTIFIED as a mother until you ARE one. Sure it is a difficult change at times, but it's a change you have to make, unless you want to hurt your child's emotional well being or put it up for adoption.

(Yes you can hurt your child emotionally if you are always putting them off to the side like they are baggage. I will even go as far as to say that a child is better off in a poor family with love and attention than with a rich family that shoves them off to a nanny or fills their days with activities and things to substitute for parenting. These are the "real housewives" or the "desperate housewives" that the media falsifies to make the 'lowly housewife' feel worse... I say lowly housewife with ALL sarcasim. I don't have the things they have but I promise you this I'm happier and have more joy than all of them combined.)

If you are finding yourself in the middle of the struggle of motherhood vs self. GET ALL MEDIA OUT of your house...tv, magazines, website etc that promote having it all. Then listen to your maternal instincts...not your mind. Ask your husband what he thinks...listen to him without being offended.

(I'm not bashing those who must use daycare or a sitter to work. I understand 100% that circumstances can prevent women from being at home with their children. I am specifically talking about women who CHOOSE to have a career when they could scale down on spending and living, live in a smaller home, etc. I'm talking about those who CHOOSE me first. If a mother is working because withour the income, the family would starve or lose the house/car, then that is NEEDED. These are the women who can also work towards coming home. It can take years to be able to do but it can be done, with a lot of finacially planning and work.)

Laundry: Washing & Drying

1. Before washing close all zippers and AGAIN check pockets as you add items one at a time to the washer.
2. Next treat any stains with stain remover or laundry detergent. I prefer the stain remover. Follow instructions on the label of your stain remover/detergent.
• For baby stains (poo, spit up, peas, etc) I do use stain remover and soak it for the maximum time allowed on the stain remover label. Then I wash the baby clothes TWICE! Because the baby's skin is so delicate and sensitive, the chemicals can cause irritation.
3. Start washer to the right settings (reg., perm. press, delicate, etc) and the correct temperature. Add detergent according to size, as soon as you turn on your washer. Your water temperature will vary for the loads you wash. I rarely use hot water, I mainly use it on undergarments, towels, and whites that need bleaching. I use cold water for everything else because it saves on the gas bill and it prevents colors from bleeding and shrinkage.

What detergent to use?  Because we have a baby in the home and my husband is ACTIVE DUTY ARMY we use ONLY one type of detergent in our home: ALL FREE & CLEAR.  It is especially formulated for the new military uniforms because it contains NO Optical Brightners and since it is free of dyes or perfumes it is safe for baby's skin.

1. Add your liquid fabric softener if needed. Use either the 'Ball' like the one made by Downy or use the fabric softener dispenser in most washing machines it will usually be in the center of the washer's "turny thingy". (I'm bad with technical terms...LOL)/
2. Add bleach IF NEEDED-read your clothing labels! The bleach dispenser is usually located in the corner under the lid. Use the correct amount according to the bleach label. Allow it to drain into the water and mix...just a minute or two.
3. Add your clothes to the washer. CLOSE THE LID!
4. It will take 30-45 minutes to wash, depending upon your load size and if you have a second rinse setting turned on.

DRYING-Read care labels first!:

1. After your clothes are washed, dry according to your clothing care labels. Some items need to lay flat to dry; some need high heat like towels; some need low-no heat; some need to be hung to dry.

DRYING IN THE DRYER:

1. Put the clothes in dryer. Add a dryer sheet to prevent static. Some people use tennis balls or a special dryer ball. I don't do this because I don't like the noise it makes and I LOVE the scents in my laundry. However, on the baby's clothes I use either NO dryer sheets or ones made for the baby (or one that have NO PERFUMES OR DYES). I cut the dryer sheets in half for the baby because his loads are not large and it makes them last longer.
2. Remove any lint from the lint trap.
3. Choose correct drying temperature. Some dryers more dry/less dry settings along with timed drying. Read you users manual for the best choice. I personally use the more dry setting according to the heat needed for my laundry.
4. Drying can take anywhere from 30 minutes to over an hour. Depending upon load, size, and temperature used..
5. Once clothes are done remove from dryer fold, hang or iron (if needed).