Motherhood is NOT "Identity Loss", It's Identity CHANGE AND GAIN!

To Misty on Mamapedia:

"........For weeks I’ve been milk maker, soother, diaper changer and occasionally ‘lady who showers and smells nice’… I stress “occasionally” here.


I was already a mother when this one came along. So prior to a few weeks ago, part of my consumer friendly label read: lunch maker, wound kisser, soother, protector, clothes washer, and occasionally ‘lady who brings cupcakes to my class’. But as my new role emerges, all other things become cloudy and less integrated and I begin to wonder which of them still constitute ‘shades of Me’.


The thing about this that sucks so much is that it is a very lonely place. This happens to you and only you, while the people around you go about their usual lives without question as to how and if anything has changed for them. While I’m concreted to the couch or the rocking chair for 45 minutes at a time to feed a new baby, everyone else in my world cruises by. Off to play or live or reconnect with old friends or simply enjoy the Independence that comes with not being affected by a life altering event.


So I try to remember who and what the ingredients are for a well made ‘Me’. I scan the pages of things I’ve done, stuff I’ve written and people I’ve loved. Somewhere, is the combination of things that light the center of me. Somewhere is a complete list of nutritional value, warnings and tips for best consumption."  Quoted from: Does Motherhood Equal Identity Loss?  http://www.mamapedia.com/voices/does-motherhood-equal-identity-loss

OK here I'm going to really make someone mad! Here are the 3 words that every woman needs to hear often: GET OVER IT or some say GET OVER YOURSELF!  In this I only hear the whining and complain that most women do 90% of the time. (I do it too)

Have I ever been there where I feel like I'm just a milk nurse, maid, and other not-so-glamorous things? YES I HAVE. We all have those moments BUT it is in those moments that our true identity, intergrity, esteem, and honor show forth.  It is our reactions that define us.

In June/July 2009, I was in the middle of my own personal pity-party. I had two children at home 23 months part (ages 3 and 17 months) and I was pregnant AGAIN (about 7-8 months along). I had been bitter about this pregnancy but knowing Abortion is a SIN (just because the gov't and women's lib says it's a "right" doesn't make it right), I wouldn't abort. I had pure hell with all three pregnancies...hospitalizations for dehydration, extreme hyper-emesis that shocked doctors, more IV's than you can imagine, to prevent my vains from blowing they put a "Pic-Line" in my harm and had me on IV fluid at home with a home health nurse coming to assist once a week. While in the hospital, I would blow vains and have to have new IV's inserted in my arms or hands every few hours.  This happened with all 3 children, except the pic-line was only with the last child.

I took my bitterness out on my family, then "put on face" in front of everyone else. It was in June or July, that while I was trying to get MY well deserved sleep, that my oldest kept coming to me wanting me to hold him at 0200 and saying his belly hurt. I kept putting him back into bed. Finally, I gave up and made a pallete in the floor near me, just so he could be near me and I could get MY sleep. As I watched him doze off, I closed my eyes and I heard him start to cry in his sleep. "Dear God WHAT NOW?" I prayed allowed. Then I looked at my son, his legs were curling up to his belly and he was grabbing his stomach. "Oh God! Help!" I cried quietly as I tried to assess him. Being the daughter of an RN, I knew enough medical info to be 'Dr. Mom'. As I checked him over, he showed all signs of appendicitis.

My need for sleep suddenly vanished! I quickly told my husband that I needed to take our son to the ER. He decided to stay home with our daughter who was sleeping and I would take our son. During the course of hours at the ER and ultrasounds, visit it was decided it was appendicitis. The military hospital we were at did not have a pediatric surgeon so we had to go by ambulance to the nearest hospital that could do the surgery. I tried to call my husband, his phone was on silent I tried for almost an hour to reach him. Finally I had to call a friend to go over and knock on the door to wake him and drive him down, since I had our only vehicle. When my husband arrived I was in tears and we started praying for a miracle.  I went in the ambulance with our son to the hospital while my husband and daughter followed in my van.

We got to the hospital and they decided to do a reassesment and CT-SCAN before the surgery. We were all praying and asking for a miracle. I remember one of my prayers in the ambulance "Ok God if you were trying to get my attention and humble me it has worked. Please don't let my baby go into a surgery that could harm him more." (My son has a lot of allergies, I was afraid of what could happen in the surgery room.)

During the time at the other hospital, God healed him. He started talking more, smiling, fever left, and the pain subsided. (Call it what you want but I give God the credit). The CT-SCAN showed no signs of anything wrong. My son was safe to come home.

That day I realized I HAD BEEN THE ONE WHO WAS CHILDISH. I kept focusing on me-me-me. I was pregnant and didn't want to be at time. (I'm so glad I had my baby now). It was all about how I felt and my needs, not my families needs. My husband had been faithly quiet and attentive to me like feminist say he should be...he performed like they wanted him to. Sometimes I wished he would have recorded one of my rants to give me a reality check!

Now I still have my "It's all about me moments" I think that is human nature.  But I realize that when it's all about me, it could take a life or damage someone else worse. What if I had just baby gated my son and ignored him? He appendix could have burst or he could have been worse or he could have died.

As for my feelings of just milk nurse, diaper changer, cook, maid: well IT'S ALL IMPORTANT. Every nose I wipe, every diaper I change, every boo-boo I kiss, every meal I cook, it ALL matters!

Each action is like the images below: 

 Each one seems like nothing, but they are each a cropped segment of the pictures below. Without each piece the following images would be incomplete:

Lilly Pond-Money, Sistine Chapel 3 images, and The Stroll-Monet.  All of these are beautiful images worth fortunes, but if you take part of the painting away it's worthless. Just a damaged piece of nothing.

It is the same with our children...each piece, each brush stroke-so to speak...is an investment in them.  The Bible tells us to die to ourself. In other words, don't focus on yourself all the time. Yes you must take care of yourself, but life shouldn't be all about you. If you are showering/bathing at mid-night, so what! Instead of thinking "oh poor me" think "oh yes, time in the still of the night". CHANGE YOUR THINKING. When you change your thinking habits you will be happier.

Sure it gets lonely at times, but when you are lonely. Encourage yourself some how. Call up a friend, husband or you mom and say "I've feeling down. I could use some encouragement. Do I really matter? Does all these diapers, dishes, snotty noses mean anytihng?" Get someone who will tell you the truth, not a friend who tells you what you want to hear. Keep books around your house that ENCOURAGES mothering...NOT FEMINISM. Get the magazines out of your house that tell you "You can have it all" because while you are getting it all, your husband and children are getting leftovers.

You call it Identity Loss... I call motherhood "A HUMBLING OF SELF AND A CHANGE IN IDENTITY"  Until you have a child (by birth or adoption) YOU ARE NOT A MOTHER! You cannot be IDENTIFIED as a mother until you ARE one. Sure it is a difficult change at times, but it's a change you have to make, unless you want to hurt your child's emotional well being or put it up for adoption.

(Yes you can hurt your child emotionally if you are always putting them off to the side like they are baggage. I will even go as far as to say that a child is better off in a poor family with love and attention than with a rich family that shoves them off to a nanny or fills their days with activities and things to substitute for parenting. These are the "real housewives" or the "desperate housewives" that the media falsifies to make the 'lowly housewife' feel worse... I say lowly housewife with ALL sarcasim. I don't have the things they have but I promise you this I'm happier and have more joy than all of them combined.)

If you are finding yourself in the middle of the struggle of motherhood vs self. GET ALL MEDIA OUT of your house...tv, magazines, website etc that promote having it all. Then listen to your maternal instincts...not your mind. Ask your husband what he thinks...listen to him without being offended.

(I'm not bashing those who must use daycare or a sitter to work. I understand 100% that circumstances can prevent women from being at home with their children. I am specifically talking about women who CHOOSE to have a career when they could scale down on spending and living, live in a smaller home, etc. I'm talking about those who CHOOSE me first. If a mother is working because withour the income, the family would starve or lose the house/car, then that is NEEDED. These are the women who can also work towards coming home. It can take years to be able to do but it can be done, with a lot of finacially planning and work.)

You can't be a Christian woman and a feminist too

Makes me wonder how "Christian" Women can be so liberal

THE FEMINIST AGENDA -- In their leaders’ own words:


1. "The simple fact is that every woman must be willing to be identified as a lesbian to be fully feminist." (National NOW Times, Jan.1988).

2. "Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the women's movement must concentrate on attacking this institution. Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage." (radial
feminist leader Sheila Cronan).

3. "Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession... The choice to serve and be protected and plan towards being a family-maker is a choice that shouldn't be. The heart of radical feminism is to change that."
(Vivian Gornick, feminist author, University of Illinois, "The Daily Illini," April 25, 1981.

4. The most merciful thing a large family can do to one of its infant members is to kill it." (Margaret Sanger, founder of Planned Parenthood, in "Women and the New Rage," p.67.

5. "In order to raise children with equality, we must take them away from families and communally raise them." (Dr. Mary Jo Bane, feminist and assistant professor of education at Wellesley College and associate
director of the school's Center for Research on Woman).

6. "Marriage has existed for the benefit of men; and has been a legally sanctioned method of control over women... We must work to destroy it. The end of the institution of marriage is a necessary condition for the
liberation of women. Therefore it is important for us to encourage women to leave their husbands and not to live individually with men... All of history must be re-written in terms of oppression of women. We must go
back to ancient female religions like witchcraft." (from "The Declaration of Feminism," November 1971).

7. "Overthrowing capitalism is too small for us. We must overthrow the whole... patriarch!" (Gloria Steinhem, radical feminist leader, editor of 'MS' magazine).

8. In response to a question concerning China's policy of compulsory abortion after the first child, Molly Yard responded, "I consider the Chinese government's policy among the most intelligent in the world."
(Gary Bauer, "Abetting Coercion in China," The Washington Times", October 10, 1989).

9. "Let's forget about the mythical Jesus and look for encouragement, solace and inspiration from real women... Two thousand years of patriarchal rule under the shadow of the cross ought to be enough to turn
women toward the feminist 'salvation' of this world." (Annie Laurie Gaylor, "Feminist Salvation," "The Humanist", July/August 1988, p.37.

10. "By the year 2000 we will, I hope, raise our children to believe in human potential, not God." (Gloria Steinhem, editor of 'MS' magazine.)

Source: Center for Children's Justice in Denver, CO (Robert Muchnick - http://www.childrensjustice.org/ )

This is posted here since the feminist agenda has empowered women to be abusive to men. The Violence Against WOMEN Act does not have a dime in it to help men and we ALL need write to congress and tell them we want a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ACT that is indeed gender neutral.

I would not want a violence against MEN act to take the place of this since women ARE being battered and if we do not address BOTH SIDES we will not help any.

God's Message To Women

God's Message to Women


taken from "Desired By the King" by Ruth Rieder (Harvey)

When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being.When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.But you , woman, I fashioned. After I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are to delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.

Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity.

From one bone I fashioned you, and I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you were meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you, I modeled you.

I created you perfectly and beautifully.Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side to stand beside him and be held close to his side as you stand beside him.

I have caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I have held your heart close to Mine. Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, and yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me but could only feel me. My presence. So I fashioned in you everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with Me: My holiness, My strength, My purity, My love, My protection and support.

You are special because you are the extension of me. Man represents my image - Woman, my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God.

So man, treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

Did you know that woman was so special in God's eyes?

~Author Unknown~

Homemaking Is Profession

"The thing that is so important for us to keep before us is that if we choose not to do this very special job, it wll simply not get done. The mothering, the nurturing, the comforting and the caring that fills the committed homemaker's day will simply be lost, and society will be impoverish... ... See MoreWomen can give up their jobs as clerks, engineers, salespeople, doctors-other people will step in and the world will go on as smoothly as before... The groceries will still be sold, trucks loaded with merchandise will still roll across our highways, and Wall Street will carry on. Not with homemaking. We are special people into whose hands the homes of the country and the world have been entrusted. When we leave THIS job the world does not go on as before. It falters and begins to lose its way. We are homemakers are indispensible. HOMEMAKING IS MUCH MORE THAN A JOB....IT'S A PROFESSION: a profession which is venerable, honorable, and of the highest benefit to mankind. We must not forget this." ~Mary LaGrand Bouma-The Creative Homemaker

Bra Color....

Recently, women were posting single words post of colors...the colors of their bras to be exact. I was guilty of passing along the email privately to a few friends as I do with all forwards, however, I did not post my bra color. Why? BECAUSE THAT IS PRIVATE INFORMATION THAT SHOULD NOT BE TOLD WHERE EVERYONE AND ANYONE CAN SEE IT.


What's even more shocking some who were doing it? Girls, there's only 1 word to say that would be describe what you should have done... HUSH! Shame on we apostolics who did this and those who passed it on. Husbands, fathers, & ministers (male & female) ...There should have been some "talkin' to" going on. My husband would have died if I posted my bra color for everyone to see. My dad would have died of shame for me be such an exhibitionist. (exhibitionist - someone who deliberately behaves in such a way as to attract attention).

Let' REALLY think about this... Since everyone now knows the color of your undergarments... some even posted size and material (ie lace)... Men who you don't know very well can imagine you in your bra. Now ladies, men are VERY visual, you have given them the power to imagine you in your bra. How many people actually know who is on the sex offender list in their area? (I do and I look in my hometown too)

Now don't give me this "It was for breast cancer awareness"... This is the blame game...passing the blame off to something else. There is more that can be done for breast cancer awareness than exposing the color of your undergarments. Why not go ask 10 people for $10 for you to walk 2 miles while wearing all pink? That's $100 that can support breast cancer research. Ladies, if you have to wear a bra then more than likely you know about breast cancer and the health precautions we must take. Your doctor SHOULD be telling you that once a year at your annual exams.

The Bible tells us to be Holy, Separate, Discreet, Chaste, Modest, Pure, (Matt or Sister Cochran...what am I leaving out?) {quick side note: Sister Cochran Publicly condemned this - Good Job & Matt expressed his though on it at home in which it was very negative}

Here are the definitions of these words:

Holy:
1. Belonging to, derived from, or associated with a divine power; sacred.
2. Regarded with or worthy of worship or veneration; revered: a holy book.
3. Living according to a strict or highly moral religious or spiritual system; saintly
4. Specified or set apart for a religious purpose
5. Solemnly undertaken; sacrosanct
6. Regarded as deserving special respect or reverence

Seperate
1. Divided from another or others; disjoined; disconnected; separated
2. Unconnected; not united or associated; distinct
3. Disunited from the body; disembodied

Discreet:
1 : having or showing discernment or good judgment in conduct and especially in speech
2 : unpretentious, modest
3 : unobtrusive, unnoticeable

Chaste:
1. not having experienced sexual intercourse; virginal
2. abstaining from unlawful or immoral sexual intercourse
3. (of conduct, speech, etc.) pure; decent; modest
4. (of style or taste) free from embellishment; simple; restrained

Modest:
1. Having or showing a moderate estimation of one's own talents, abilities, and value.
2. Having or proceeding from a disinclination to call attention to oneself; retiring or diffident.
3. Observing conventional proprieties in speech, behavior, or dress.
4. Free from showiness or ostentation; unpretentious.
5. Moderate or limited in size, quantity, or range; not extreme

Pure:
1. Having a homogeneous or uniform composition; not mixed
2. Free from adulterants or impurities
3. Free of dirt, defilement, or pollution
4. Free of foreign elements.
5. Containing nothing inappropriate or extraneous
6. Complete; utter
7. Having no faults; sinless
8. Chaste; virgin.
9. Of unmixed blood or ancestry.

By exposing our bra colors we have violated the Word of God and the example that we set as a Holy People.

One could even go as far as to say that those who have posted their bra color could have caused a man or young man to faulter in thought and make the man lust after them...thus creating a mindset for adultery (see Matthew 5:27-30). This is probably a rare case, but there are men out there who are obsessed with certain women and these are the fanatics who go into stalking, OCD, and even murder (the "If I can't have her, no one can"). Yes this is extreme, but shouldn't we take precautions to prevent the extreme.

Susan B Komen Foundation, even said this was a great way to raise breast cancer awareness. NOT EVEN. Ladies it would be better for us to pick a day and wear all pink that day than to have a tell all about our underwear. Shame on Susan B Komen Foundation. I would even say wearing a t-shirt with "Save the Tataas" is better than telling your bra color.

Well, I'm sure someone will get offended or say I'm too old fashioned. Or my favorite one - "Well Bridgette you used to be a feminist and ------- and you did this stuff too". Well people grow, mature, and realize that just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean it's right. Remember people can change in one prayer meeting with the help of God Almighty. (Last side note: In a private group of ladies talking about our bras and such is decent...to a point, we must watch ourselves. Lingerie parties are ok, in my opinion, as long as the attendants are married and such is kept appropriate and decent.)